Week 3 Predictions

Welcome to week 3... of college football scandals!  It seems like every week there is something new to test the NCAA's new found brass balls.  This week, two of the least likely schools are embroiled in controversy, while an SEC school lost to the Sun Belt.  Some old faces in new places are off to good starts, other new faces in old places not so much.  It's mid September and the question remains... how many national titles did Saban negotiate into his deal with the devil?

Let's get to some predictions....

Top 25 Action

#1 'Bama @ Arkansas - This WAS a top ten match up until the LA-Monroe Warhawks pulled off the upset of the young season last week, upending the Razorbacks 34-31 in OT and knocking QB Tyler Wilson out of the game.  In an all too perfect story to describe the state of the Razorback program, HC John L. Smith filed for bankruptcy this week.   'Bama HC Nick Saban was so upset with the media last week for over looking the Hilltoppers he gave them a tongue lashing.  And to show them just how wrong the media was for not showing Western KY any respect, 'Bama only covered HALF the spread, winning 35-0.  That's right, the Hilltoppers went scoreless and covered the spread by 35 points.  'Bama's D has given up 14 points total in two games. If Tyler Wilson plays... the Hogs will still have no shot. Roll Tide 34-10. 

#2 USC @ #21 Stanford - The Cardinal got right against the Blue Devils last week, putting up 50 and never being threatened.  'Cuse put up a spirited effort in the Meadowlands against the Trojans until the Men of Troy imposed their will in the second half.  QB Matt Barkley and WR Marquise Lee continued their Heisman campaigns.  Barkley went 23/30 for 187 and 6 TD's, 3 of which went to Lee.  The other two went to Robert Woods, who on any other team would be the best WR in the entire conference. Lee & Woods might be the two most talented WR tandem on any college team in the past decade. Only USC's defense, and the inevitable Lane Kiffin game day blunder, will keep them from playing in a BCS game, and possibly the championship.  45-24 Trojans.

Idaho @ #3 LSU - The Vandals have one of the worst ground games in college football and have already lost to FCS Eastern Washington.  LSU is averaging 279 yards per game on the ground and 41 points.  LSU could start Rob Bolden at QB and still win this game handily.  52 - 3 Geaux Tigers. 

TN Tech @ #4 Oregon - The Ducks are randomly drug testing their players now, after ESPN estimated that 40-60% of the players smoke weed.  Which begs the question, how many points would Chip Kelly's offense score if his players weren't in a Mary Jane infused stupor during the games?  Meanwhile, the undefeated TN Tech Golden Eagles are not intimidated.  I have no idea what kind of team TN Tech has because the only stats I can find on them is that their kicker is pretty good. 63-9 Ducks.

Wake Forest @ #5 FSU - The Demon Deacons may be the luckiest team in this young college football year.  They escaped the Tar Heels with a 28-27 win last week, after notching a 20-17 win against FCS Liberty in Week 1.  The going gets a little tougher as they head to Tallahassee this week.  FSU is now up to #5.  I'm not sure how we can consider the "Noles the 5th best team in the country when they haven't played an FBS team yet.  The 'Noles seem to have a case of O'Doyle Rules! but we still know nothing about this team.  If history is any guide, FSU is over rated.  29 - 24 FSU. 

Florida Atlantic @ #7 Bulldogs - The Owls are just not very good, but at least they aren't afraid to play someone.  They get the Bulldogs this week and take on 'Bama next week.  Georgia welcomed Mizzou to the SEC by handing them a loss in Columbia last week. This week should be a walk in the dog park for Mark Richt's crew.  49 - 6 Georgia.

Blazers @ #8 'Cocks - UAB likes to toss the pigskin around, but whether or not they are any good at it remains to be seen.  Have you ever pulled up to a red light with a mini-van right next to you?  You know when that light turns green, you can outgun that mini-van no problem, but that pesky mini-van insists on drag racing you to the next light.  No offense to mini-van drivers, but c'mon, why do you insist on racing the rest of us?  My SUV isn't the fastest vehicle on the road, but I clearly have more horsepower under the hood.  We respect the fact that you have to drive a mini-van for whatever reason.  We get it, it's functional for your needs, but unless you put a hemi in your mini-van just to screw with the rest of us (which I would totally respect!), you're never going to win the race.  Just do us all a favor and respect the fact that we're going to pull in front of you if we want, and we'll attempt to not laugh at you when you try to race us in your mini-van. In this case, UAB's D is that mini-van, the Gamecocks offense is the other car and RB Marcus Lattimore is the hemi under the hood.  UAB will try, but the Gamecocks just have too much horsepower for them to handle.  35-14 USCe. 

James Madison @ #9 Mountaineers - The Dukes are putting up some ridiculous offensive numbers against some ridiculously weak competition.  JMU has averaged 48.5 points per game so far, while the Mountaineers hung 69 on their in state rivals Marshall last week.  No need to light up the couches in Morgantown this week, save them for a tougher opponent, a Lazy-Boy will do just fine. 59-24 Mountaineers.

#20 Irish @ #10 Sparty - Notre Dame announced this week they will be joining the ACC in all sports... except football.  This is similar to what Mitt Romney did by joining the GOP on all issues.... except social & fiscal.  The Irish are fiercely defending their football independence, making them the William Wallace of college football. Whether or not Irish Football is eventually castrated, drawn & quartered by the BCS for defending their independence like Sir Wallace is yet to be determined.

The Irish escaped with a 20-17 win against the Boilermakers last week after Purdue's starting, 6th year Senior QB Robert Marve went down with a torn ACL again. The Irish offense struggled most of the day, finally putting the game away on a last minute drive led by backup QB Tommy Rees that ended with the go ahead FG with 7 seconds left.  Meanwhile Sparty handled Directional Michigan easily and is clearly the class of the Big Ten, which is like being the skinniest kid at fat camp.

Speaking of Americans propensity to exponentially expand our waist lines, could this have something to do with it?

If you think the Doritos Taco  is some fad, think again! It is, in fact, Taco Bell's most successful new product in El Bell de Taco's history, selling over 200 million since March!  Game on America!  What's next?  Cheetos soup? If you have room for dessert after this tasty morsel, might I suggest...

Finally someone has turned those disgusting candies that every kid HATED finding at the bottom of his Halloween bag into an Oreo cookie.  What will they think of next?  Oh yeah!  A new way to rid yourself of all those extra pounds from the aforementioned foods...

New Weight Loss Program - which leads to a unique chicken or the egg question about why porn stars are skinny. 

Oh!  And the Big Ten sucks this year.  34-24 Irish.

Furman @ #11 Clemson - The Tigers are 2-0 including a neutral site win over Auburn in their opener.  Furman is 0-2. Did you know Furman's nickname is the Paladins?  Neither did I.  Do you know what Paladins are?  Neither did I.  Way too early for Clemson to start their inevitable collapse. 52 - 3 Clemson.

Golden Bears @ #12 Buckeyes - The Golden Bears D gave up 31 points to FCS opponent Southern Uta last week.  Fortunately for the Bears, the Thunderbirds D was even worse, giving up 50.  The Buckeyes are at home again, their 3rd of 4 straight home games to open the season, with this game being their, ahem, toughest.  Then again, the Big Ten sucks this year so no game is a gimme.  Team Urbz 31 - Bears 17

#13 Hokies @ Mark May U - How bad is Pitt?  This is what the Hokies will say when they arrive in Pittsburgh -

34 - 10 Hokies.

#14 'Horns @ Ole Miss - Both teams are 2-0, neither team has played a good team yet.  The Rebels are 9th in the nation in rushing after plowing through cupcakes.  If they can get their ground game going against Texas's tough D, they may have a shot.  The 'Horns also like to run the ball, but mostly because their passing game is not up to par just yet.  This one will be closer than we think.  27 - 21 Texas. 

Mean Green @ #15 K-State - Well I completely crapped the bed on K-State last week.  K-State turned the Hurricanes into tropical depressions, to the tune of 52-13.  The Wildcats are AVERAGING 51.5 points on offense.  This is their last tune up before a possible top ten match up at Oklahoma next week. The Mean Green can just hope to give up less than 50.  49-7 K-State.

#16 Horned Frogs @ Jayhawks - TCU has only played one game, beating Eddie Robinson U 56-0.  Meanwhile in Lawrence, Fatty Weiss's first year as HC of the Jayhawk program has not gone as planned.  Kansas lost at home to Rice 25-24 last week.  Fortunately for the Jayhawks, Charlie Weiss has found his favorite place to eat in Lawrence:

Can TCU over come the Jayhawks decisive schematic advantage and win their inaugural Big XII conference game?  Ummmm... yeah.  35-17 Horned Frogs.

UMass @ #17 Wolverines - The Minutemen have been outscored 82-6 this season, so I'd rather talk about how skullets are back in a big way.

Missing from this pic is the girl that was half his age whom he left with.  Yep.  That happened.  Women dig skullets.  Who knew. 

D-Rob has something like 75% of Michigan's entire offensive output this year. Remember the kid on the playground you'd always want on your team for pickup football games when you were a kid because he was faster than everyone?  That's D-Rob.  He even lost a shoe and took one to the house last week.  They should make him wear a hoodie so at least you might be able to tackle him from behind.  God I hated getting tackled by my hood as a kid.  56 - 3 Wolverines.

#18 Gators @ #23 Volunteers - The Gators welcome A&M to the SEC by doing what the Big XII used to do, beating them on their home field.  The Gators head to Knoxville this week for their second SEC road game in a row.  The Volunteers burning of Lane Kiffin in effigy before the season seems to have worked.  They are ranked and 2-0 after beating up on Georgia State last week.  Things get a bit tougher this week for Dooley's crew.  The Volunteers have been airing it out this season, while Florida prefers the ground game, even thought it's average at best.  Can the Gators make it two in a row on the road in the SEC?  Nope. 23-17 Volunteers.

Tar Heels @ #19 Louisville - The scandal ridden Tar Heels lost at home by 1 point last week to Wake Forest.  Speaking of scandals, two more scandals broke out this week at two of the most unlikely of places

Harvard Cheating Scandal - 2 senior co-captains of Harvard's bball team withdrew from school amidst allegations of widespread academic fraud.  Good thing for Harvard the NCAA has no jurisdiction over academic fraud as evidenced by the UNC academic fraud case. Harvard also has no legendary coach or big time football program that people care about, so there is definitely no need for sanctions.

But uh oh!  Just down tobacco road another scandal is brewing, and this one does involve a legendary coach and a big time bball program that people care about...

Duke Jewelry Scandal  - Of course Coach K is being given the benefit of the doubt that he didn't know about the kid getting the jewelry, and it's plausible that he did not.  In a similar situation, when the NCAA learned of improper benefits at Ohio State with Terrell Pryor and company, and Jim Tressell lied to the NCAA to keep his player eligible, they still allowed his players to participate in the BCS game for fear of making the game less watchable.  If there is one thing the NCAA will not do, it's hit themselves in their own pocket books.  Normally if a player is ruled ineligible but played in games, any games that player participated in would be vacated, that would include Duke's 2010 national championship.  In this case, I am sure the NCAA will find a way to lack jurisdiction over the matter to avoid having to harm Coach K's program. 

Two more scandals that directly impact college athletics.  I wonder what odds Vegas has on Mark Emmert and the NCAA doing anything about either one of them. 

Charlie Strong has the Cardinals playing well so far this season, which means it's only a matter of time before he bolts the Big East for an SEC or ACC job.  37-14 Louisville.

Cougars @ #22 Bruins - The post Case Keenum era has not gone well in Houston thus far.  After an opening game loss to Texas State, the Cougars fired their offensive coordinator.  Last week the Cougars put up 49 points against LA Tech, but gave up 56.  Perhaps it's the Defensive coordinators turn this week?  On the flip side, the Jim Mora Jr. era has gone exceedingly well thus far.  The Bruins are 2-0, putting up 42 points per game, and RB Johnathan Franklin is getting some Heisman buzz.  It's safe to say there has not been a buzz like this around the Bruin program since Cade McNown was taking snaps under center in the late 90's.  45 - 13 Bruins.

S Car State @ #24 Arizona - After almost blowing their opening game to the Toledo Rockets, RichRod & company bounced back last week hanging 59 on T. Boone Pickens University.  Sure, they gave up 38 points, but RichRod is not one to lose sleep over defense, so who cares. South Carolina State has a football team.  That's all I know about them.  59 - 20 Wildcats

#25 Cougars @ Utes - The Holy War!  Speaking of holy, what would John Smith think of the five high school football players from DeMatha that were kicked off their team for procuring the services of a prostitute? All 5 were immediately offered scholarships by Miami.

Football independence has been treating the Cougars well thus far.  They are 2-0 heading into this game, with a balanced offense and a defense that has only given up 19 points total.  As for the Utes, I correctly picked them to lose to their in state rivals Utah State last week.  The Utes have looked like anything but the BCS buster that was so highly ranked just a few season ago before they joined the Pac-12.  You think the Pac-12 would like a do-over in conference expansion?  Utah and Colorado have been less than good since joining the conference. Especially Colorado. The Utes will fall to 1-2 before opening conference play at AZ State next week.  35-13 Cougars.

Games of Note

Rutgers @ South Florida - The Scarlet Knights are 2-0 after playing... nobody.  Rutgers shut out the Howard Bison 26-0 last week.  This week, they head south to take on South Florida, where they'll be playing in the same stadium their former HC Greg Schiano currently calls home on Sundays.  The Bulls eked out a 1 point win against Nevada at home last week. It seems like Bulls QB B.J. Daniels has been at South Florida for as long as the program  has existed.  This year he leads the 25th ranked passing attack as they attempt to hand new Rutgers HC Kyle Flood his first loss in his old boss's new stomping grounds.  27 - 17 Bulls.

Ark State @ Nebraska - The Huskers first trip to the Rose Bowl as a Big Ten member did not go as planned last week. The vaunted Blackshirts D allowed Johnathan Franklin 217 yards rushing, but not to be a one trick pony, they also gave up 305 yards and 4 TD's through the air to RS-FR QB Brett Hundley in a 36-30 loss to UCLA.  The Red Wolves gave Oregon a run for their money, putting up 34 points on the Ducks in week 1, and followed that up with a win 33-28 win against Memphis.  What does all the mean?  I have no idea.  The Red Wolves can score, but can't defend.  44-24 Huskers.

LA-Monroe @ Auburn - Much like when a naked Asian man jumps out of your trunk and beats you with a tire iron, Arkansas did not see the Warhawks coming last week.

LA-Monroe pulled off the "Shock in Little Rock" last week, knocking the Razorbacks from the top 25 and cementing John L. Smith's "interim" head coach status.  The Warhawks are 22 point dogs to a Auburn team that is still searching for another once in a lifetime QB to take them back to the title game.  Unfortunately the going rate for franchise QB's has gone up since Cam Newton left town. Auburn sits at 0-2 after a loss to conference rival Miss St last week.  How bad was Auburn's offense?  The Bulldogs D knew where the play was going after cracking Auburn's offensive signals.  Ouch. Can the SEC still claim to be the greatest conference in the history of man kind if they lose two in a row to the Warhawks?  27-13 Tigers.

Navy @ Nittany Lions - That Ficken kicker!!!  The Nits much maligned kicker, Sam Ficken, went 1-4 on FG's, including a 20 yard shank and a botched game winner, and to add insult to injury, went 1-2  on XP's, the miss due to a freshman that forgot you actually have to block people at the FBS level, even on XP's.  The Nits now sit at 0-2 after two gut wrenching losses and have allowed 18/20 3rd down conversions in the 4th quarters, including letting the Cavaliers convert a 3rd & 16 on the game winning drive last week.  Ouch.  After getting hammered BY the Irish instead of WITH the Irish in Dublin to open their season, Navy apparently had to sail back from the Emerald Isle and therefore had a bye last week.  The Midshipmen run the triple option that's like the fat girl of college football offenses.  It looks fun but you wouldn't want your friends to see you running it.  And like when a fat girl gets on top, this offense is tough to stop when it gets going.  PSU seems to be snake bitten this year.  Who knows what can go wrong for the Lions this week.  Punt block returned for a TD?  Fumbling just before crossing the goal line?  Giving up 100% of 3rd down conversions in the 4th quarter?  Allowing Navy to pass for 300 yards?  21-17 Nittany Lions. 

Texas A&M @ SMU - A&M has proclaimed itself the "Best academics & cleanest program in the SEC".

Which is literally like a prostitute proclaiming herself "The cleanest whore in the brothel!"

And like said whore, the Aggies got nailed in their own house, losing to the Gators at home 20-17.  As far as academics, apparently A&M is not aware they now play in the same conference as Vanderbilt.  You'll have to forgive the Aggies, after so many years of playing second fiddle to Texas, they aren't used to this trash talking stuff yet.  Aggies 29 - Mustangs 20.

Upset of the Week

Northern Iowa @ Iowa - The Hawkeyes & Cyclones combined for 15 points last week, setting offenses back decades in the Hawkeye state.  To put that in perspective, Auburn scored more points than Iowa, even when the opposing team knew exactly what plays Auburn was running.  Northern Iowa hung tough with the Badgers in their opener, and then dropped Central State 59-0 last week.  "Central State" is about as general a school name as you can possibly have.  Only Directional State could possibly be more general.  I'm not even sure that school exists since they don't even have a clickable link. This sounds like a school that may want to get in touch with Florida State for future scheduling purposes.  Will the Panthers emerge victorious in their second game against a Big Ten foe?  17-13 Northern Iowa.


Lastly, the 11th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks was this week.  As we remember all those that perished in the attacks, including the first responders that selflessly rushed to help people trapped in the towers, and as we thank our brave men & women of our armed forces that have protected us both at home and abroad since the attacks, if you haven't read about The Man in the Red Bandana... do yourself a favor and check this out. You'll be glad you did.

Week 2 Predictions

Week 1 is in the books!  Only 15 more weeks of college football, unless you count the months between the end of the regular season and bowl games that are actually somewhat interesting to watch. No major upsets happened in week 1, and no, Youngstown State over Pitt is not a major upset. In fact I'd argue it's not an upset at all.  But I digress... on to the week 2 predictions!

Top 25 Action

Hilltoppers @ #1 'Bama - They say, you're never as good as you think when you win, or as bad as you think when you lose.  The latter may be true, but it seems 'Bama is putting the former to the test.  The Tide dominated the Wolverines last week in Dallas.  They were up 31-7 at the half and were never threatened in the second half.  Freshman RB TJ Yeldon only carried 10 times, but had 111 yards. 'Bama's RB position appears to be an annual Heisman contender no matter who they put back there.  The Hilltoppers won 49-10 against Austin Peay last week. Austin Peay may have the hardest schedule in football this year, as they take on Va Tech in Blacksburg this week.  Look for 'Bama to flip the script against the 'Toppers this week.  'Bama gets an easy win before a top ten match up against Arkansas next week. 49-10 'Bama.

#2 USC v. 'Cuse - The Men of Troy spanked the Warriors last week as WR Marquise Lee & QB Matt Barkley kicked off their Heisman campaigns.  This game will be played at Giants Stadium, possibly because the Coliseum is being used to film another porno.  No seriously, the Coliseum was used to film a porno.  This USC Sex Scandal, #USCSexScandal, is huge, and clearly within the purview of the NCAA since it has nothing to do with football.  Obviously USC has a culture that promotes pornography over academics, right Mr. Emmert? As such,  there are now more allegations involving former USC RB Joe McKnight that the NCAA is looking into.  It seems with all the built in advantages USC has to recruit, they STILL need give kids extra benefits just to play there.  'Cuse lost a tough game to a Big Ten team.  Losing to a Big Ten team is starting to get embarrassing.  'Cuse is at least competitive now, which is a hell of a lot better than being a Big East doormat. But still, when Rutgers is favored to win  your league...  52 - 13 Trojans.


Huskies @ #3 LSU - The Tigers fought off hurricane Irene and North Texas last week for a 41-14 win.   Save for an 80 yd TD pass, LSU's defense was absolutely stifling. The Mean Green looked like they were playing on Friday night, while LSU's D looked like it should've been playing on Sunday.  The Tigers ground game pounded the rock all day while their passing game leaves something to be desired.  The Huskies started off with a 21-12 victory over the Aztecs.  Who was the better college RB, Marshall Faulk for the Aztecs or Napoleon Kaufman for the Huskies?  31 - 10 LSU.

Bulldogs @ #4 Ducks - Fresno State handled Weber State easily last week 37-10.  The Ducks unveiled possibly their 1,000th different uniform variation against Arkansas State.  The Ducks were so pumped about their new Uni's they forgot to play any defense.  Fortunately Chip Kelly and the Ducks offense wouldn't even have trouble scoring in a convent should that situation ever arise. 63-13 Ducks.

Florida A&M @ #5 Sooners - Scandal has ROCKED Florida A&M.  In the wake of the hazing death of a marching band drum major last year, A&M has suspended the school dance troupe after more hazing this year.  Clearly A&M has a culture of hazing over academics.  No word yet on what the team will do to replace the entertainment the dance troupe provided during timeouts.  I suggest a man and a chair.

What's that?  I can't say that to Mr. Eastwood, he's a Hollywood legend. ......  Ha, I have no clue what his new movie is about either.  Something about him yelling at an empty batting cage I think.... Yes, I think he knows they only asked him because Arnie banged his maid and Charlton Heston is dead.  ....  Obviously Heston talked to his guns... Maybe, but even if he did know the remake of Planet of the Apes wasn't real he still had enough guns to defend himself...  I don't agree, whoopee cushions are hilarious!

Like most people that are forced to go there, the Sooners did not enjoy their trip to West Texas.  The Sooner offense, with potential first round QB Landry Jones, struggled against the Miners but still came away with a 24-7 win.  This week should be a bit easier.  37 - 10 Sooners.

Savannah State @ #6 FSU - Savannah State is challenging Austin Peay for hardest schedule in football.  After playing the role of home intruder to Okie State's LL Cool J, Savannah crawls to Tallahassee for another ass whooping.  This is the college football version of being Mike Tyson's sparring partner.  FSU is playing it's second cupcake in a row after beating up on Murray State last week.  I get playing one FCS school to fill out your schedule, but two?  I guess Jimbo Fisher hit this button when scheduling for FSU.

No way should a team that plays two patsies be eligible for the BCS.  45 - 3 'Noles.

#7 Bulldogs @ Mizzou - After opening with a gimme, Mizzou welcomes the 'Dawgs to Columbia in their first game as a member of the SEC.  SEC! SEC! SEC!  Anyone else find it incredibly weird they cheer the name of their conference?  It's akin to cheering the name of your religion on Sundays... LET'S GO MORMONS!!!  ...  WE ARE!!!  CATHOLICS!!!  ... WHEN I SAY JEW... YOU SAY ISH!!  JEW - ISH!!  JEW - ISH!!!  ... FIGHT ON BAPTISTS!!! ... And much like the Jehovah Witnesses, SEC fans aren't afraid to tell you how great they are.  It's like a cult with 12 different sects.  Speaking of cults, were you aware that Tom Cruise was the next Bachelor?  The Bulldogs are coming off an uninspiring performance against Buffalo.  Is the Devil down in Georgia making Mark Richt's seat a little toasty already?  Mizzou 27 - Georgia 23. 

#8 Razorbacks @ LA-Monroe - The Razorbacks opened with a cupcake.  There are tons of cupcakes to open this college football season.  Perhaps it's time for a college football pre-season?  Or some actual cupcakes.  I recommend Sprinkles Cupcakes.  If you're in a city that has a Sprinkles, lucky you.  Feel free to send me some.  I like the peanut butter chip.  LA - Monroe opens with Arkansas and Auburn back to back. LA-Monroe definitely does not like cupcakes.  45 - 17 Hogs. 

Pirates @ #9 'Cocks - The 'Ole Ball Coach narrowly escaped the Commodores last week 17-13.  Starting QB Connor Shaw injured his shoulder in the game but toughed it out.  Star RB Marcus Lattimore came back strong from injury with 110 yards and 2 TD's.  The Pirates run a Mike Leach spread offense and love throwing the ball like Lindsay Lohan loves stealing jewelry.  Can the Gamecocks offense put up enough points to outgun the Pirates? 30 - 27 South Carolina. 

#11 Sparty @ Chippewas - Sparty held off a tough Boise State squad in East Lansing last week for a 17-13 win.  Le'Veon Bell threw his hat into the Heisman ring with 210 yards rushing against the Broncos.  The Chippewas can look back fondly on the days of Brian Kelly & Dan Lefevour.  37 - 13 Sparty.

Ball State @ #12 Clemson - Clemson opened with a win over Auburn last week.  Smart move by Dabo Swinney scheduling some tough games early in the season for the Tigers since Clemson is the marquee program for late season collapses.  The Tigers have two cupcakes against David Letterman U & Furman before a match up against the 'Noles, who also play nobody early.  52 - 3 Clemson

#13 Badgers @ Beavers - Badgers HC Brett Beliema refused to send game tape to Oregon State, probably because it'd be like watching a Kathy Bates sex tape.  That's how nasty the Badgers 26-21 win over Northern Iowa was last week.  Could the Badgers really be that bad or are they just starting slow? The Beavers, a member for the Pac 2 & 10 others, open the season at home after their first scrimmage, er game, against Nicholls State was postponed.  No word on when Nicholls State has rescheduled their ass whooping.  Badgers 23 - Beavers 17. 

UCF @ #14 Buckeyes - The Knights make their second consecutive trip to Ohio this week.  After throttling Akron like the Hulk throttled Loki, the Knights take on demi-god Urban Meyer and his Buckeye minions.  Buckeye dual threat RB Braxton Miller went for 161 yards and actually threw the ball effectively against Miami(OH).  I can't wait for Braxton's impassioned speech to the media and fans after OSU loses a home game to an inferior conference opponent, and said speech is so moving, it is put up on the entrance to the football facility for all that follow to realize just how insignificant they are compared to Braxton.  He'll then develop a cult following, and despite a lack of actual skill at his position, get drafted in the first round.  Next he'll spend a few years trying to prove he can be an effective QB before being traded to a team in total disarray when a HOF QB takes his job.  He will then be a backup to another high profile QB that is more interested in dating the former Mrs. Tony Parker than winning a Super Bowl.  Oh, and the Buckeyes will win 37 - 10. 

Austin Peay @ #15 Va Tech - The Hokies eked out an OT win against GA Tech last week.  Star QB Logan Thomas didn't have his best game and the Yellow Jackets gave the Hokies all they could handle.  As for the Jackets vaunted option offense, they were held to under 200 yards rushing.  It's safe to say the Hokies run D is pretty good.  They'll have an easier time this week.  45 - 0 Hokies.

#16 'Huskers @ UCLA - Huskers QB Taylor Martinez lit up Southern Miss to the tune of 354 yards and 5 TD's through the air last week in a 49-20 win.  Meanwhile the Bruins opened the Jim Mora Jr. era with a 49-24 stomping of Rice.  Bruins RB Johnathan Franklin led the way with 214 yards and 3 TD's on only 15 carries. T-Mart continues his early season success against an improved Bruins squad in the Rose Bowl this week.  31-21 Cornhuskers.

New Mexico @ #17 Longhorns - In a stat Navy would be proud of, the Lobos racked up 347 yards on the ground last week and only 70 through the air.  Like fans of Tosh.O, 'Horns fans had to sit through a lot of crap before something good happened in the 37-17 win against Wyoming.  QB David Ash was an efficient 20-27 for 156 yards.  As long as the ground game is in order again, the 'Horns should have no problems with the Lobos.  42 - 6 Longhorns. 

#18 Cowboys @ Wildcats - T. Boone U dropped a video game like 84 points on Savannah last week.  If you play NCAA 13 on freshman mode you'd still have trouble scoring 84 points.  You have to wonder if games like this should even count.  Sure, the visiting team gets paid for their time and effort of getting their asses whooped, but does it really help the sport?  How do you think the kids on Savannah State feel after getting pummelled and not receiving any of the money for it?  I guess what I'm saying is, watching all these early season cupcakes is as painful as watching the next season of American Idol with Mariah, Nicki & Keith Urban.  Ugh. RichRod's debut in the desert was almost spoiled by his pathological hatred of playing defense. This game may reach 100 points combined.  63-45 Cowboys.

I'm proposing a reality show based on the exact opposite of American Idol.  Instead of searching for talent, my show will find people with absolutely not talent whatsoever, and the celebrities will have to turn their respective person or group of talentless ass clowns into something resembling talent.  C'mon, you know this happens all the time in Hollywood.  How else do we explain boy bands, Kristen Stewart, & the awful pilots the networks green light every year. If I can get some hot contestants and pay some celebrity "mentors" to host, this show will be a hit. 

Or they can just bring back Remote Control.  That show was awesome. 

Air Force @ #19 Michigan - Michigan brought a knife to a gun fight, or more appropriately, brought a college team to an NFL game last week.  The Wolverines must get credit for scheduling what may be their toughest game of the year on week 1 an in a neutral location.  Denard Robinson did not look like a Heisman candidate, but his game has never been sitting in the pocket and scanning the field.  He's an athlete, and making him sit in the pocket took away his most lethal weapon.  Don't look for Hoke to make the same mistake twice. The Falcons handled Idaho State easily in their 49-21 win.  D-Rob gets on track this week.  49 - 17 Wolverines. 

Grambling State @ #20 TCU - Has the NCAA sanctioned TCU for the drug ring involving players?  After all it is a criminal investigation that involves football off the field, which is the bread and butter of the NCAA. Another opening game, another cream puff game.  Snooze.  Speaking of snooze, why are wake up calls limited to hotels only?  Is it that people don't want wake up calls in their homes or is it that no such service exists?  I'm seeing a business opportunity.  Hell, if all these campaigns can do the incessant robo calls, why can't we put that technology to good use so we wake up on time?  Frogs 57 - 3. 

Hurricanes @ #21 K-State - K-State lit it up Gangnam Style! v. Mizzou State last week to the tune of 51-9. Meanwhile in Coral Gables, the 'Canes are embroiled in their own scandal, but they learned from Penn State.  Don't hire some political hack and pay him $6.5 Million to bury your University by "investigating" and issuing a report full of conjecture and opinion.  Smart move 'Canes!  The 'Canes are coming off a 41-32 win against Boston College and look to start 2-0!  33 - 27 Miami(FL). 

Purdue @ #22 Notre Dame - Navy was Notre Dame's Perfect Bitch last week in the Land of Drunken Gingers. If Kim is the perfect bitch, where does that leave Paris Hilton?  The Boilermakers had their cupcake last week and it was delicious!  48-6 over Directional Kentucky.  The Boilers role into South Bend with QB Robert Mavre finally healthy and playing well.  Meanwhile it was the Irish ground game that led the way against the Midshipmen. How red will Brian Kelly's face get this week?  24 - 21 Irish. 

Mizzou State @ #23 Louisville - Seriously Louisville, if you're not going to attempt to play someone other than a patsy, I'm not going to attempt to write anything.  49 - 0 Cardinals. 

#24 Gators @ Aggies -The Gators head to College Station to welcome the Aggies to the SEC.  Are Aggies fans aware they should be chanting for their new conference instead of their school?  A&M is happy to be out of the shadow of the 'Horns, but now it's put up or shut up time.  Will they make some noise in the SEC, or just open up the Texas recruiting base for the rest of their league? In the battle of "Urban Meyer Used to Coach Here!", Florida came away with an uninspiring win v. Bowling Green last week, 27-14.  The Gator offense has been in dire straits since the Apostle Tebow took his talents to The League. I see the Gators pulling off the mild upset this week, 24 - 17. 

Duke @ #25 Stanford - The Nerd Bowl!  Which is the only Bowl Duke will be making this year.  How do the Dukies feel about their arch rivals creating no-show classes and the NCAA taking a pass on doing anything about it?  I think the NCAA has set an obvious precedent, no-show classes are perfectly OK with the NCAA as long as non-athletes can take them too.  #culture.  The Cardinal had an auspicious opening to the post-Luck era, escaping a plucky San Jose State squad 20-17.  Was it opening game jitters or a sign of things to come for Stanford?  27 - 17 Cardinal. 

Games of Interest

Pitt @ Cincy - Pitt. HA!  I called their loss to FCS opponent Youngstown State last week.  Pitt is so irrelevant they could literally pay their recruits to come play there and the NCAA would laugh and thank them for their efforts on trying to become relevant.  Butch Jones and the Bearcats open with a  35-13 win.

PSU @ Virginia - It was an ugly game in Happy Valley last week.  The Nittany Lions came out strong holding a 14-3 halftime lead before giving up 21 unanswered to MAC Champs Ohio in the second half.  Their D was continuously shredded, giving up 11/12 3rd down conversions in the half.  The lack of defensive adjustments was apparent to everyone except DC Ted Roof.  On offense, watching QB Matt McGloin is like watching any movie with Shia Lebouf.  You hope he doesn't screw it up too much that his supporting cast can't bail him out. R.I.P. Indiana Jones. In this case, McGloin missed several wide open receivers literally standing alone deep down field.  With a lack of a running game and the Ohio D squatting on the short routes, the offense went nowhere after half time. The Cavaliers & Mike London opened with a shellacking of FCS opponent Richmond, 43-19.  This game should be a bit closer.  27-24 Cavaliers. 

Terrapins @ Owls - Could it be that Temple has the best football team in PA this year?  It's a sad but true possibility.  Temple plays Pitt and Penn State this year so I guess we'll find out.  But can you really be a serious program when your biggest rival is an FCS school in the 'burbs?  The Owls destroyed 'Nova last week 41-10.  On the flip side, Maryland eked out a 7-6 win against FCS William & Mary.  Perhaps the Terrapins need some Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle power? Speaking of Ninjas, how is it that no major schools have a Ninja as their mascot?  With so many awful school mascots, I'm at a loss as to how this injustice has occurred.  Owls 20 - 3. 

Howard @ Rutgers - How appropriate is it that this woman was voted NJ Teacher of the Year?  45 - 0 Rutgers. 

Upset of the Week

Utah State over Utah - The Utes handled Northern Colorado easily 41-0, and the Aggies crushed Southern Utah 34-2.  I see the Aggies pulling off the in state upset this week, 37 - 34. 

Week 1 Predictions

It’s that time of year again….

The southern states are in the paths of Hurricanes, the Midwestern and Pacific states are ablaze with forest fires, and the northeast… to be honest the weather is pretty nice here in the northeast. 

Soon enough though, the leaves will begin to change, the temperatures will drop, and entire Saturdays will be lost to watching 18-22 year olds play a game most of us now play from the comfort of our couches on high-def flat screens. 

Yes, it’s college football season.  Hallelujah!  And man what an off season it’s been.  The off season has been covered ad nauseum by anyone with an opinion, so let’s get onto the grid iron with some Week 1 predictions…

The season kicks off on Thursday, Aug 30^th with an entire slate of games from an SEC match up, to a few programs making their FBS debuts….

Top 25 Action

Hawaii @ #1 USC – Looks like the NCAA’s sanctions against USC for the Reggie Bush scandal failed to have the desired affect.  The Trojans come off their sanctions ranked #1 in the country and are loaded.  I’m not sure what message that sends, but the NCAA clearly sucks at changing cultures of big time programs.  The problem for USC is what player to promote for the Heisman. Barkley & Woods kick off their campaigns in grand fashion. Hawaii is happy to visit the mainland and let USC fans know they go to school somewhere with better weather than SoCal.  59 – 10 Trojans. 

#8 Michigan v. #2 ‘Bama – Finally! Two programs not afraid to play a tough game early!  This game will be played at Jerry Jones House in Arlington, TX.  The Wolverines bring the electric QB Denard Robinson to the Lonestar State to face ‘Bama’s NFL caliber D.  ‘Bama loses Heisman finalist Trent Richardson, but always seems to reload on in the backfield.  AJ McCarron returns for his 2^nd season as the trigger man for the Tide offense.  It only took 1 season for Brady Hoke to take Michigan from the RichRod debacle to the BCS.  Can he maintain that success in his second season or did he set the bar too high? Go Blue! 23 – 21 Wolverines!

North Texas @ #3 LSU – Honey Badger don’t care! But he should have.  From Heisman finalist to rehab in a matter of months?  Somewhere, Lawrence Taylor sheds a tear and says, “I feel you son!” Has there ever been such a highly ranked team with such a quandary at QB?  LSU is so desperate they even took PSU 3^rd stringer Rob Bolden!  That’s right, the kid was 3^rd string coming out of spring practice, behind a kid who was a former walk on and another who hasn’t played in a game in 2 years.  Yet, LSU saw him as a good option.  You have to wonder if they ever watched his tape.  Fortunately for the Tigers, Honey Badger wasn’t even their best DB, and the D will still be as stout as a 350lb man at a buffet.  Tigers 32 – 0.

 

#4 Sooners @ UTEP – OU finished 10-3 last season, but that’s not good enough for the Sooner Nation.  They want BCS titles dammit!  Landry Jones flirted with the NFL, but came back and is one of the best QB’s in college football.  Simply put, OU is loaded on offense.  The Sooners will put up points, but to return to the BCS title game, their D has to be able to stop some teams.  Did you know this is Mike Price’s 9^th season in El Paso?  You think Tide fans have ever been so happy to see a guy take a stripper back to his hotel?  I wonder what ever happened to that stripper.  Sooners 47 – UTEP 14.

Red Wolves @ #5 Ducks – Gus Malzahn takes over the Sun Belt Champs and brings his spread offense with him.  The Red Wolves went undefeated in the Sun Belt and won 10 games last year with a high octane offense.  The Ducks know a thing or two about high octane offenses after averaging 46 points per game last season.  Chip Kelly must first settle on a QB after losing Darron Thomas to graduation.  The RB position has some depth even with the loss of LaMichael James.  Kenjon Barner & dual threat RB/WR De’Anthony Thomas return and both have big play ability.  This also supports my theory that if you add “La” or “De” to any first name, that kid is three times more likely to be a good athlete.  Michael James would be a marketing major, but La Michael James plays for the 49ers! Anthony Thomas would be a plodding RB bust out of Michigan, but De’Anthony Thomas is an explosive weapon for a high powered offense! 63 – 24 Ducks!

Buffalo @ #6 Georgia – Richt is on the hot seat for not being as successful as the rest of the SEC.  Such is life with southern speed. If you don’t have enough of it, you get left behind.  Only an SEC Championship will satisfy the UGA faithful it seems.  The ‘Dawgs have one of the best QB’s in the country in Aaron Murray.  They did kick their best RB off the team though.  Buffalo is, well, Buffalo.  Can you imagine the dedication it takes for Bulls fans to attend their home games in December?  I’m freezing just thinking about it.  ‘Dawgs 35 – Bulls 17

Murray State @ #7 Florida State – Another year, another FSU squad starting the season in the top 10.  We’ve seen this movie before, and like the remake of Judge Dredd, it still stinks.  If this were the NCAA tourney, I’d be picking the Racers all the way.  But unfortunately for Murray State, this game will be on the grid iron.  Quick, who can name where Murray state is located without googling it?  38 – 6 ‘Noles.

#9 Gamecocks @ Vandy – Despite having a culture that emphasized academics and playing in the SEC, the Commodores played good, tough football last year and finished with a 6-7 record.  They are led by the baby brother of a Super Bowl winning QB.  Will Jordan Rodgers follow in his brother’s foot steps?  Can he become the next Eli and win more Super Bowls than his big bro?  Star RB Marcus Lattimore is back from injury to anchor The Ole Ball Coach’s offense this year, but it’s the ‘Cocks D, including true Soph and freak of nature DE Jadeveon Clowney, that will lead the way again.  27 – 13 USCe. 

Jacksonville State @ #10 Arkansas – The John L. Smith era begins! Simultaneously, they are laughing hysterically in East Lansing. The Razorbacks have some NFL talent on offense with RB Knile Davis, back this year from injury, and All-SEC QB Tyler Wilson. I know little to nothing about J-State. 54 – 13 Razorbacks. 

Marshall @ #11 W Virginia – Can the Friends of Coal Bowl (seriously, that’s what it’s called) really be a rivalry if one side has NEVER won?  Could this be the year the Thundering Herd pull off the upset?  Nope. LIGHT UP THE COUCHES!   37 – 17 Mountaineers. 

Northern Iowa @ #12 Wisky – Seriously Badgers?  C’mon.  You can’t proclaim your domination when you open with a cupcake that plays in the FCS.  That’d be like talking shit on Joey Chestnut after one hot dog. Wisky starts another transfer QB this year.  Rumor is they’ll be targeting whomever PSU has at QB for next.  Why recruit and develop QB’s when you can have another team do it for you? Another easy pre-season win for the Badgers.  49 – 10. 

#24 Boise @ #13 Sparty – Boise beefs up their Non-conf schedule in anticipation of weakening their conference schedule by joining the Big East.  Sparty is riding the high water mark of their program for all it’s worth.  The Little Brother is getting a big ego in East Lansing.  Early season road game against a highly ranked opponent?  Sounds like exactly what Boise ordered.  Boise 30 – Sparty 27. 

#14 Clemson v. Auburn – Tigers v. Tigers in the Georgia Dome! Who knew there were so many tigers roaming around the south back in the day?  We last saw Clemson constantly picking the wrong D in Tecmo Bowl and giving up 70 points.  It’s way too early for Clemson’s annual late season melt down.  Auburn is still basking in their ‘Bama Sandwich national title.  They really start them early in SEC country.  Auburn’s #1 rated DT recruit, Dee Liner – Muscle Shoals, AL, is suspended from his high school team indefinitely for off field incidents.  Auburn has considered pulling it’s offer, but since the kid is highly rated and another SEC school would offer him, they’ll stick with this kid.  Better to have and suspended than to not have had at all.  #culture  Clemson 30 – Auburn 24

Wyoming at #15 Texas – Mack Brown finally settled on David Ash as his QB.  Now the kid has to play like a starter.  Texas’s D has not been a problem, and they look to be one of the best in the nation again this year.  The problem since Colt McCoy left town has been the offense.  8 wins seasons get you on the hot seat in Austin.  Everything is bigger in Texas, especially the culture of college football.  If Mack Brown doesn’t take the ‘Horns to a BCS game this year, his seat will be hotter than a west Texas bbq.  Wyoming’s nickname is the Cowboys.

GA Tech @ #16 VA Tech – a college version of Monday Night Football before the NFL kicks off!  The Yellowjackets bring their option offense north to battle the Hokies and stud QB Logan Thomas.  The Hokies always seems to be solid on offense and excel on special teams.  Thomas will be playing on Sundays next year and leads a good but not great Hokie offense. Long time Coordinator Bud Foster’s D will once again be the bread & butter of the Hokies.  Though thin the secondary, the unit is still one of the best in the country.  GA Tech finished 2^nd in rush yards per game last year… and 112^th in passing.  To say they are one dimensional would be like saying Kristen Stewart can’t act.  It’s painfully obvious to anyone that has watched either for 5 minutes.  Hokies 33 – Yellowjackets 27. 

Southern Miss @ #17 Nebraska – the ‘Huskers return a talented backfield of Taylor Martinez and Rex Burkhead.  I’m still not sure how a QB can be labeled a “dual threat” if they are not capable of reading a defense on a pass play.  QB’s that can’t run are pocket passers, so what should QB’s that can’t pass be called?  Fanny Pack Passers since they should only be used to run?  Southern Miss has a new coach and Brett Favre is still an alum.  So they’ve got that going for them, which is nice.  27 – 17 Huskers. 

Miami (OH) @ #18 Buckeyes – And so it begins… the Urban Meyer era of Buckeye football.  Will this marriage be more like Kurt & Goldie or Kim & Kris?  Hard to say right now, but what we do know is Urbz has to at least equal the success of his predecessor or he’ll be on the hot seat very quickly.  OSU will try to create Tebow 2.0, but this version has less of a cult following but has not upgraded the passing ability.  If Braxton Miller ever learns how to be a QB instead of a RB that throws a ball, lookout! Miami does have some talent at QB in NFL prospect Zak Dysert, but the talent around him is not on par with the Buckeyes D. Look for the NCAA to sanction Miami (OH) any day now for the Miami (FL) scandal.  The NCAA doesn’t care about facts; one Miami is just as good as another. 31 – 13 Buckeyes.

Savannah State @ #19 Okie State – Okie State loses 1^st round picks WR Blackmon and QB Weeeden.  Will the Cowboys be reloading or rebuilding this year?  That question will have to be answered at a later date. We won’t learn anything in this exhibition game.  63 – 14 Cowboys.

Other Sparty @ #21 Stanford – This year begins the real transition for Stanford football.  They produced without Harbaugh last year, but now must do so without arguably the best QB to set foot on campus since Elway.  There is still some talent on the Cardinal and they’ll continue to be well coached, but is there enough to take down USC and Oregon in the Pac 12?  San Jose State needs a Silicon Valley billionaire to be their version of Phil Knight if they ever hope to maintain any success.  45 – 7 Stanford. 

Mizzou State @ #22 K-State – K-State is the off meds manic depressive of college football.  The program either wins 10 games or 2. Feast or famine, there is no in between in little Manhattan.  K-State returns true dual threat QB Collin Klein, who rushed for 1,141 yards and 27 TD’s last season and added 1,918 yards and 13 TD’s through the air.  As long as he stays healthy, K- State should contend in the watered down Big XII this year despite a porous D.  37 – 13 K-State.

Bowling Green @ #23 Florida – Tebow!!!  Ok, now that that’s out of the way, this Florida program has been in disarray since Urbz, ahem, “health problems” caused him to spend more time with his family by hitting the TV studios for a year before getting back on the sidelines.  Lots of quality time spent with family in those studios I’m sure.  Meanwhile the Gators are still searching for a QB. If they ever settle on one, look for the offense to get rolling.  The D should be solid.  Gators 24 – 3

Kentucky @ #25 Louisville – The Battle of the Bluegrass State! Charlie Strong enters his 3^rd season at the helm of the Cardinals after back to back 7-6 season.  True Soph QB Teddy Bridgewater is back after an inconsistent Freshman season.  The Cardinals D was solid last season ranking #26 in the nation.  If the offense can improve and the D keeps pace, the Cardinal may be looking at a 10 win season.  As for the Wildcats, life would be better if Coach Cal could recruit for the football team too.  Kentucky’s offense was atrocious last season and they still managed to win 5 games, 2 in the SEC.  On the bright side, they can’t get much worse on offense… and basketball season is only a few months away!  24 – 7 Louisville.  

Games of Note

Ohio @ Penn State – For the first time since, my god, WWII? PSU will not have a Paterno on the sideline.  New coach, new uniforms, new offense, it’s a brand new day in Happy Valley!! Also gone is PSU’s archaic offense.  Bill O’Brien is installing a modern offense, one that actually game plans to put the players in the best position to succeed.  It’s a breath of fresh air to not have JayPa calling idiotic plays and not allowing our QB to audible out of it even though the D was calling out the play as they broke the huddle.  There will be some major growing pains and the loss of the leading rusher and receiver from last year will hurt, but there are plenty of kids that are stepping up that will make up that production.  The D should still be solid, if not more aggressive.  The secondary is razor thin and will be vulnerable all season.  Ohio won 10 games last year and is no slouch.  They have a very good QB Tyler Tettleton.  He’ll challenge the secondary early and often.  If his line can protect him, he’ll have success.  Look for a low scoring game that will come down to a 4^th quarter possession.  Penn State 20 – 17. 

‘Nova @ Temple – the Battle of Philadelphia!  Temple is back in a BCS conference… don’t laugh!  How do you think Boise felt when they found out they’d be playing Temple?  ‘Nova is contemplating a move to FBS football.  This game will determine bragging rights for the entire city… until basketball season.  27 – 20 Owls.

Notre Dame v. Navy – The Emerald Isle Classic will be played in Dublin, IR.  Have the Irish citizens been demanding to see this game?  Or is it just another reason to drink?  What if there is a soccer game the same day, will anyone show up for this game?  Do they realize “Notre Dame” is actually French?  The Irish have named Everett Golson as their starting QB, earning him the right to be screamed at by an overweight, red faced leprechaun every game.  Brian Kelly said it was a tough decision, but he really enjoyed going ape shit on Golson more so than Hendrix or Rees.  As for Navy, 4^th in rushing 119^th in passing last year.  So you know what’s coming, but can the Irish defense stop it?  Midshipmen 34 – 30. 

UTSA Roadrunners @ South Alabama – Both programs are newborns in the world of FBS football.  UTSA appears on track to compete with the big boys soon, after giving two players the “Honey Badger” treatment upon their arrest for aggravated robbery.  I’m sure the NCAA will impose some type of sanctions to officially welcome them to big time college football.  You’re nobody in college football until the NCAA has hammered you!  South Alabama has a team, but that is literally all the news there is about their program.  Jaguars 37 – Roadrunners 17. 

UMass @ UConn – The Minutemen haven’t had this much publicity since Marcus Camby and Coach Cal ruled their hardwood back in the 90’s.  The Minutemen will have their home games in Gillette Stadium, an hour drive from their actual campus. That’ll make for some interesting tailgating. Meanwhile, the buzz around UConn continues to be how they somehow made it to a BCS game a few years ago.  32 – 10 Huskies.

Youngstown State @ Pitt – This is basically a neutral sight game for the Penguins, if not a home game.  Being that Youngstown is not far from Pittsburgh, and Pitt fans only care about playing Penn State, there’s a solid chance there will be more Youngstown fans in the seats than Panther fans. Pitt has another head coach for what seems like the 10^th season in a row.  This time, Paul Chryst leads a moribund program mired in mediocrity since Lance Armstrong was riding a Big Wheel and Tim Tebow was nothing more than a glimmer in God’s eye.  This is my upset special of the week!  27 -24 Y’Town! 

'Tis the season....

College football is right around the corner!  My weekly predictions will be back again this year, but in the meantime, some things to look forward to this upcoming season...

Tis the season for...

Irish fans to prove THIS is their year and Brian Kelly is THE coach to return them to glory!!  Seriously. Finally... after 20+ years.  Not kidding.  This is the year.  No, really.

USC fans to show interest in football... until Kiffin blows a conference game to a huge under dog and the Lakers open training camp.  

Penn State fans to relish in the past glory of only talking about how old Joe is, how awful the offense is and how terrible a coach JayPa is. No more shots of Joe sitting in a booth pretending he knows what's happening, no more fullback dives that everyone in the stadium knows is coming, no more DB's lining up 10 yards off the ball on 3rd & 2...  sigh. 

Wolverine fans to talk about D-Rob as their mini-Tebow... he can run like Bolt and throw like... well.... Tebow.

Gator fans to talk about......  Tebow. 

Seminole fans to tell the rest of us that NO WAY ARE WE OVER RATED!!

Arkansas fans to wonder which is worse, Petrino's affair or hiring John L Smith.

Sparty fans to continue to show how they have no idea how to handle success and be even more crude & classless than last season. 

Pitt fans to pack their stadium....  on Sundays.

Temple fans to rejoice like a jilted lover being taken back... even if it is the Big East that wants them back. 

UNC fans to thank the NCAA for not getting involved in academic fraud cases.

Duke fans to look forward to basketball season. 

Longhorn fans to long for the days of Vince & Colt while their program continues to under achieve. 

A&M fans to FINALLY be out of their big brother's shadow! And then realizing they just moved into a group home full of big brothers. 

Arizona fans to be thankful for RichRod and wonder what all the fuss was about in Ann Arbor.

UCLA fans to talk trash about USC...  just kidding.

Sooner fans to bitch about Stoops for ONLY winning 10 games and playing in a BCS game. 

LSU fans to wonder what crazy shit Miles will call with the game on the line this year and pray their QB play can't possibly get worse.  Hint: Rob Bolden is not the answer at QB.

Hurricane fans to thank Penn State for taking the spot light off of their scandal. 

Rutgers fans to .... ummm.... I don't know what Rutgers fans do... cheer for Tampa Bay? 

Ducks fans to find out which player Nike will be promoting for a Heisman this year. 

'Bama fans to begin work on a Saban statue that will rival the Washington Monument.

Auburn fans to poison the water in Tuscaloosa.   

Mountaineer fans to burn couches in anticipation of getting drunk and burning couches.

Gamecock fans to hope Spurrier can capture the coaching magic he had back in the 90's.

Badger fans to start making plans for the Big Ten championship game.  Seriously, OSU & PSU are ineligible.  It's a foregone conclusion. 

Buckeye fans to act even more obnoxious than they did under Tressel.

Mizzou fans to be happy they've gone from an also ran in the Big XII to an also ran in the SEC. 

Clemson fans to forget about giving up 70 points in a  bowl game and celebrating how great they are until their annual late season collapse.

TCU fans to get new pot dealers.

Stanford fans to take a break from studying to realize Andrew Luck now plays in Indanapolis... back to studying. 

Okie State fans to thank T. Boone Pickens for making them the Oregon of the mid west.

Hokie fans reminding everyone that they played for national title once when Michael Vick was in Blacksburg. 

Sun Devil fans to check out all the hot co-eds. 

K-State fans to wonder why the hell Bill Snyder is the only coach that can win in Manhattan and hope he lives forever. 

Husker fans to hope Taylor Martinez figured out how to read a defense. 

Wazzu fans to anticipate what kind of crazy shit Mike Leach will say at his press conferences. 

BYU fans to celebrate their football independence by sending the team on a 2 year mission. 

Boise St. to say, "I can't believe we got a BCS bid for moving to an EASIER conference than the Mountain West!"

Iowa fans to hope for just one running back that isn't injured or kicked off the team. 

Maryland to up the ugly uniform ante by playing in actual turtle shells.

Baylor to look back fondly on the days their program was relevant in college football. 

Tennessee to hold their pre-season pep rally by burning Kiffin in effigy. 

Vanderbilt to show there actually is one SEC school that values academics over football.

Illinois coaches to open a branch office in State College to recruit 3rd & 4th stringers that will start in Champagne.  I recommend they check out the PSU Creamery while following the players around campus.

The UT-San Antionio Road Runners, Texas State Bobcats, UMass Minutemen and South Alabama Jaguars to be welcomed to FBS football!

Mark May to spout off about how Penn State is the great Satan of college football and espousing how awesome Pitt is despite their irrelevance for the past 30 years. 

The media to fall all over themselves proclaiming how great the SEC is and every other conference sucks, except USC. 

Honey Badger to put down the pipe and start caring.