Let's get to some predictions....
Top 25 Action
#1 'Bama @ Arkansas - This WAS a top ten match up until the LA-Monroe Warhawks pulled off the upset of the young season last week, upending the Razorbacks 34-31 in OT and knocking QB Tyler Wilson out of the game. In an all too perfect story to describe the state of the Razorback program, HC John L. Smith filed for bankruptcy this week. 'Bama HC Nick Saban was so upset with the media last week for over looking the Hilltoppers he gave them a tongue lashing. And to show them just how wrong the media was for not showing Western KY any respect, 'Bama only covered HALF the spread, winning 35-0. That's right, the Hilltoppers went scoreless and covered the spread by 35 points. 'Bama's D has given up 14 points total in two games. If Tyler Wilson plays... the Hogs will still have no shot. Roll Tide 34-10.
#2 USC @ #21 Stanford - The Cardinal got right against the Blue Devils last week, putting up 50 and never being threatened. 'Cuse put up a spirited effort in the Meadowlands against the Trojans until the Men of Troy imposed their will in the second half. QB Matt Barkley and WR Marquise Lee continued their Heisman campaigns. Barkley went 23/30 for 187 and 6 TD's, 3 of which went to Lee. The other two went to Robert Woods, who on any other team would be the best WR in the entire conference. Lee & Woods might be the two most talented WR tandem on any college team in the past decade. Only USC's defense, and the inevitable Lane Kiffin game day blunder, will keep them from playing in a BCS game, and possibly the championship. 45-24 Trojans.
Idaho @ #3 LSU - The Vandals have one of the worst ground games in college football and have already lost to FCS Eastern Washington. LSU is averaging 279 yards per game on the ground and 41 points. LSU could start Rob Bolden at QB and still win this game handily. 52 - 3 Geaux Tigers.
TN Tech @ #4 Oregon - The Ducks are randomly drug testing their players now, after ESPN estimated that 40-60% of the players smoke weed. Which begs the question, how many points would Chip Kelly's offense score if his players weren't in a Mary Jane infused stupor during the games? Meanwhile, the undefeated TN Tech Golden Eagles are not intimidated. I have no idea what kind of team TN Tech has because the only stats I can find on them is that their kicker is pretty good. 63-9 Ducks.
Wake Forest @ #5 FSU - The Demon Deacons may be the luckiest team in this young college football year. They escaped the Tar Heels with a 28-27 win last week, after notching a 20-17 win against FCS Liberty in Week 1. The going gets a little tougher as they head to Tallahassee this week. FSU is now up to #5. I'm not sure how we can consider the "Noles the 5th best team in the country when they haven't played an FBS team yet. The 'Noles seem to have a case of O'Doyle Rules! but we still know nothing about this team. If history is any guide, FSU is over rated. 29 - 24 FSU.
Florida Atlantic @ #7 Bulldogs - The Owls are just not very good, but at least they aren't afraid to play someone. They get the Bulldogs this week and take on 'Bama next week. Georgia welcomed Mizzou to the SEC by handing them a loss in Columbia last week. This week should be a walk in the dog park for Mark Richt's crew. 49 - 6 Georgia.
Blazers @ #8 'Cocks - UAB likes to toss the pigskin around, but whether or not they are any good at it remains to be seen. Have you ever pulled up to a red light with a mini-van right next to you? You know when that light turns green, you can outgun that mini-van no problem, but that pesky mini-van insists on drag racing you to the next light. No offense to mini-van drivers, but c'mon, why do you insist on racing the rest of us? My SUV isn't the fastest vehicle on the road, but I clearly have more horsepower under the hood. We respect the fact that you have to drive a mini-van for whatever reason. We get it, it's functional for your needs, but unless you put a hemi in your mini-van just to screw with the rest of us (which I would totally respect!), you're never going to win the race. Just do us all a favor and respect the fact that we're going to pull in front of you if we want, and we'll attempt to not laugh at you when you try to race us in your mini-van. In this case, UAB's D is that mini-van, the Gamecocks offense is the other car and RB Marcus Lattimore is the hemi under the hood. UAB will try, but the Gamecocks just have too much horsepower for them to handle. 35-14 USCe.
James Madison @ #9 Mountaineers - The Dukes are putting up some ridiculous offensive numbers against some ridiculously weak competition. JMU has averaged 48.5 points per game so far, while the Mountaineers hung 69 on their in state rivals Marshall last week. No need to light up the couches in Morgantown this week, save them for a tougher opponent, a Lazy-Boy will do just fine. 59-24 Mountaineers.
#20 Irish @ #10 Sparty - Notre Dame announced this week they will be joining the ACC in all sports... except football. This is similar to what Mitt Romney did by joining the GOP on all issues.... except social & fiscal. The Irish are fiercely defending their football independence, making them the William Wallace of college football. Whether or not Irish Football is eventually castrated, drawn & quartered by the BCS for defending their independence like Sir Wallace is yet to be determined.
The Irish escaped with a 20-17 win against the Boilermakers last week after Purdue's starting, 6th year Senior QB Robert Marve went down with a torn ACL again. The Irish offense struggled most of the day, finally putting the game away on a last minute drive led by backup QB Tommy Rees that ended with the go ahead FG with 7 seconds left. Meanwhile Sparty handled Directional Michigan easily and is clearly the class of the Big Ten, which is like being the skinniest kid at fat camp.
Speaking of Americans propensity to exponentially expand our waist lines, could this have something to do with it?
If you think the Doritos Taco is some fad, think again! It is, in fact, Taco Bell's most successful new product in El Bell de Taco's history, selling over 200 million since March! Game on America! What's next? Cheetos soup? If you have room for dessert after this tasty morsel, might I suggest...
Finally someone has turned those disgusting candies that every kid HATED finding at the bottom of his Halloween bag into an Oreo cookie. What will they think of next? Oh yeah! A new way to rid yourself of all those extra pounds from the aforementioned foods...
New Weight Loss Program - which leads to a unique chicken or the egg question about why porn stars are skinny.
Oh! And the Big Ten sucks this year. 34-24 Irish.
Furman @ #11 Clemson - The Tigers are 2-0 including a neutral site win over Auburn in their opener. Furman is 0-2. Did you know Furman's nickname is the Paladins? Neither did I. Do you know what Paladins are? Neither did I. Way too early for Clemson to start their inevitable collapse. 52 - 3 Clemson.
Golden Bears @ #12 Buckeyes - The Golden Bears D gave up 31 points to FCS opponent Southern Uta last week. Fortunately for the Bears, the Thunderbirds D was even worse, giving up 50. The Buckeyes are at home again, their 3rd of 4 straight home games to open the season, with this game being their, ahem, toughest. Then again, the Big Ten sucks this year so no game is a gimme. Team Urbz 31 - Bears 17
#13 Hokies @ Mark May U - How bad is Pitt? This is what the Hokies will say when they arrive in Pittsburgh -
#14 'Horns @ Ole Miss - Both teams are 2-0, neither team has played a good team yet. The Rebels are 9th in the nation in rushing after plowing through cupcakes. If they can get their ground game going against Texas's tough D, they may have a shot. The 'Horns also like to run the ball, but mostly because their passing game is not up to par just yet. This one will be closer than we think. 27 - 21 Texas.
Mean Green @ #15 K-State - Well I completely crapped the bed on K-State last week. K-State turned the Hurricanes into tropical depressions, to the tune of 52-13. The Wildcats are AVERAGING 51.5 points on offense. This is their last tune up before a possible top ten match up at Oklahoma next week. The Mean Green can just hope to give up less than 50. 49-7 K-State.
#16 Horned Frogs @ Jayhawks - TCU has only played one game, beating Eddie Robinson U 56-0. Meanwhile in Lawrence, Fatty Weiss's first year as HC of the Jayhawk program has not gone as planned. Kansas lost at home to Rice 25-24 last week. Fortunately for the Jayhawks, Charlie Weiss has found his favorite place to eat in Lawrence:
UMass @ #17 Wolverines - The Minutemen have been outscored 82-6 this season, so I'd rather talk about how skullets are back in a big way.
D-Rob has something like 75% of Michigan's entire offensive output this year. Remember the kid on the playground you'd always want on your team for pickup football games when you were a kid because he was faster than everyone? That's D-Rob. He even lost a shoe and took one to the house last week. They should make him wear a hoodie so at least you might be able to tackle him from behind. God I hated getting tackled by my hood as a kid. 56 - 3 Wolverines.
#18 Gators @ #23 Volunteers - The Gators welcome A&M to the SEC by doing what the Big XII used to do, beating them on their home field. The Gators head to Knoxville this week for their second SEC road game in a row. The Volunteers burning of Lane Kiffin in effigy before the season seems to have worked. They are ranked and 2-0 after beating up on Georgia State last week. Things get a bit tougher this week for Dooley's crew. The Volunteers have been airing it out this season, while Florida prefers the ground game, even thought it's average at best. Can the Gators make it two in a row on the road in the SEC? Nope. 23-17 Volunteers.
Tar Heels @ #19 Louisville - The scandal ridden Tar Heels lost at home by 1 point last week to Wake Forest. Speaking of scandals, two more scandals broke out this week at two of the most unlikely of places
Harvard Cheating Scandal - 2 senior co-captains of Harvard's bball team withdrew from school amidst allegations of widespread academic fraud. Good thing for Harvard the NCAA has no jurisdiction over academic fraud as evidenced by the UNC academic fraud case. Harvard also has no legendary coach or big time football program that people care about, so there is definitely no need for sanctions.
But uh oh! Just down tobacco road another scandal is brewing, and this one does involve a legendary coach and a big time bball program that people care about...
Duke Jewelry Scandal - Of course Coach K is being given the benefit of the doubt that he didn't know about the kid getting the jewelry, and it's plausible that he did not. In a similar situation, when the NCAA learned of improper benefits at Ohio State with Terrell Pryor and company, and Jim Tressell lied to the NCAA to keep his player eligible, they still allowed his players to participate in the BCS game for fear of making the game less watchable. If there is one thing the NCAA will not do, it's hit themselves in their own pocket books. Normally if a player is ruled ineligible but played in games, any games that player participated in would be vacated, that would include Duke's 2010 national championship. In this case, I am sure the NCAA will find a way to lack jurisdiction over the matter to avoid having to harm Coach K's program.
Two more scandals that directly impact college athletics. I wonder what odds Vegas has on Mark Emmert and the NCAA doing anything about either one of them.
Charlie Strong has the Cardinals playing well so far this season, which means it's only a matter of time before he bolts the Big East for an SEC or ACC job. 37-14 Louisville.
Cougars @ #22 Bruins - The post Case Keenum era has not gone well in Houston thus far. After an opening game loss to Texas State, the Cougars fired their offensive coordinator. Last week the Cougars put up 49 points against LA Tech, but gave up 56. Perhaps it's the Defensive coordinators turn this week? On the flip side, the Jim Mora Jr. era has gone exceedingly well thus far. The Bruins are 2-0, putting up 42 points per game, and RB Johnathan Franklin is getting some Heisman buzz. It's safe to say there has not been a buzz like this around the Bruin program since Cade McNown was taking snaps under center in the late 90's. 45 - 13 Bruins.
S Car State @ #24 Arizona - After almost blowing their opening game to the Toledo Rockets, RichRod & company bounced back last week hanging 59 on T. Boone Pickens University. Sure, they gave up 38 points, but RichRod is not one to lose sleep over defense, so who cares. South Carolina State has a football team. That's all I know about them. 59 - 20 Wildcats
#25 Cougars @ Utes - The Holy War! Speaking of holy, what would John Smith think of the five high school football players from DeMatha that were kicked off their team for procuring the services of a prostitute? All 5 were immediately offered scholarships by Miami.
Football independence has been treating the Cougars well thus far. They are 2-0 heading into this game, with a balanced offense and a defense that has only given up 19 points total. As for the Utes, I correctly picked them to lose to their in state rivals Utah State last week. The Utes have looked like anything but the BCS buster that was so highly ranked just a few season ago before they joined the Pac-12. You think the Pac-12 would like a do-over in conference expansion? Utah and Colorado have been less than good since joining the conference. Especially Colorado. The Utes will fall to 1-2 before opening conference play at AZ State next week. 35-13 Cougars.
Games of Note
Rutgers @ South Florida - The Scarlet Knights are 2-0 after playing... nobody. Rutgers shut out the Howard Bison 26-0 last week. This week, they head south to take on South Florida, where they'll be playing in the same stadium their former HC Greg Schiano currently calls home on Sundays. The Bulls eked out a 1 point win against Nevada at home last week. It seems like Bulls QB B.J. Daniels has been at South Florida for as long as the program has existed. This year he leads the 25th ranked passing attack as they attempt to hand new Rutgers HC Kyle Flood his first loss in his old boss's new stomping grounds. 27 - 17 Bulls.
Ark State @ Nebraska - The Huskers first trip to the Rose Bowl as a Big Ten member did not go as planned last week. The vaunted Blackshirts D allowed Johnathan Franklin 217 yards rushing, but not to be a one trick pony, they also gave up 305 yards and 4 TD's through the air to RS-FR QB Brett Hundley in a 36-30 loss to UCLA. The Red Wolves gave Oregon a run for their money, putting up 34 points on the Ducks in week 1, and followed that up with a win 33-28 win against Memphis. What does all the mean? I have no idea. The Red Wolves can score, but can't defend. 44-24 Huskers.
LA-Monroe @ Auburn - Much like when a naked Asian man jumps out of your trunk and beats you with a tire iron, Arkansas did not see the Warhawks coming last week.
LA-Monroe pulled off the "Shock in Little Rock" last week, knocking the Razorbacks from the top 25 and cementing John L. Smith's "interim" head coach status. The Warhawks are 22 point dogs to a Auburn team that is still searching for another once in a lifetime QB to take them back to the title game. Unfortunately the going rate for franchise QB's has gone up since Cam Newton left town. Auburn sits at 0-2 after a loss to conference rival Miss St last week. How bad was Auburn's offense? The Bulldogs D knew where the play was going after cracking Auburn's offensive signals. Ouch. Can the SEC still claim to be the greatest conference in the history of man kind if they lose two in a row to the Warhawks? 27-13 Tigers.
Navy @ Nittany Lions - That Ficken kicker!!! The Nits much maligned kicker, Sam Ficken, went 1-4 on FG's, including a 20 yard shank and a botched game winner, and to add insult to injury, went 1-2 on XP's, the miss due to a freshman that forgot you actually have to block people at the FBS level, even on XP's. The Nits now sit at 0-2 after two gut wrenching losses and have allowed 18/20 3rd down conversions in the 4th quarters, including letting the Cavaliers convert a 3rd & 16 on the game winning drive last week. Ouch. After getting hammered BY the Irish instead of WITH the Irish in Dublin to open their season, Navy apparently had to sail back from the Emerald Isle and therefore had a bye last week. The Midshipmen run the triple option that's like the fat girl of college football offenses. It looks fun but you wouldn't want your friends to see you running it. And like when a fat girl gets on top, this offense is tough to stop when it gets going. PSU seems to be snake bitten this year. Who knows what can go wrong for the Lions this week. Punt block returned for a TD? Fumbling just before crossing the goal line? Giving up 100% of 3rd down conversions in the 4th quarter? Allowing Navy to pass for 300 yards? 21-17 Nittany Lions.
Texas A&M @ SMU - A&M has proclaimed itself the "Best academics & cleanest program in the SEC".
And like said whore, the Aggies got nailed in their own house, losing to the Gators at home 20-17. As far as academics, apparently A&M is not aware they now play in the same conference as Vanderbilt. You'll have to forgive the Aggies, after so many years of playing second fiddle to Texas, they aren't used to this trash talking stuff yet. Aggies 29 - Mustangs 20.
Upset of the Week
Northern Iowa @ Iowa - The Hawkeyes & Cyclones combined for 15 points last week, setting offenses back decades in the Hawkeye state. To put that in perspective, Auburn scored more points than Iowa, even when the opposing team knew exactly what plays Auburn was running. Northern Iowa hung tough with the Badgers in their opener, and then dropped Central State 59-0 last week. "Central State" is about as general a school name as you can possibly have. Only Directional State could possibly be more general. I'm not even sure that school exists since they don't even have a clickable link. This sounds like a school that may want to get in touch with Florida State for future scheduling purposes. Will the Panthers emerge victorious in their second game against a Big Ten foe? 17-13 Northern Iowa.
Lastly, the 11th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks was this week. As we remember all those that perished in the attacks, including the first responders that selflessly rushed to help people trapped in the towers, and as we thank our brave men & women of our armed forces that have protected us both at home and abroad since the attacks, if you haven't read about The Man in the Red Bandana... do yourself a favor and check this out. You'll be glad you did.
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