Week 7 Predictions

After a 2 week hiatus I'm finally back. Although in an abbreviated version b/c I actually need to get some sleep for a change.

My apologies, this whole having to get up and go to work thing has really cramped my college football analysis, but on the plus side, I'm renting an RV with some friends and going to the PSU v. Nebraska game!!  And I'll be in Happy Valley for Purdue this weekend.

Is there a team that win any uglier than Penn State?  Seriously, 13-3, 14-10, 16-10... all wins, but man, nasty to watch if you like offense.  I'm telling you, if we could make a team with Michigan's offense and Penn State's D, we'd have a national title contender.  

The conference musical chairs is in full swing!  This time, TCU abandoned the Big Least before setting foot in the eastern time zone.  The SEC is sitting at an unlucky 13, Mizzou is flip flopping on where they will play, the Big XII is set to play with 10 after adding TCU, the Big East wants to add.... wait for it... the military academies!!!  Yes!  Next the Big East will Notre Dame and a time machine and go back to the 1940's when all of those schools were some of the top programs in the country (except Air Force, their first season was 1955.)

Anyway... with my Godfather opus already written, I see no reason to try to top that without some divine intervention... and that can come from Yahweh, Ganesh, Jesus, Vishnu, Mohammed, Buddha, heck, Overlord Zenu (Scientology is clearly a religion, not a cult.  No, definitely not a cult.  All legit.  Praise Cruise)... I'll take whatever I can get. 

On to week 7...

#1 LSU @ Tennessee - The Volunteers are still recovering from forcing out Phil Fulmer.  Amazing how many programs seem to think the grass will always be greener on the other side.  Not to mention the damage done by Kiffin's one season in Knoxville.  Is there a more over rated coach in all of football than Lane?  Meanwhile, the Mad Hatter continues to chew grass roll along.  This one gets ugly fast... 37 - 17 Tigers.

#2 'Bama @ Ole Miss - Houston Nutt is on the hot seat... and I admittedly had no idea there was such a thing as a "hot seat" for an Ole Miss coach until I watched the Blind Side.  "You know, the movie with the black Tight End." "Offensive Line."  "Sorry, African American." (any Modern Family fans on this chain?)  Let me put it this way.  Nutt Sucks!!  If that is not the BEST chant to fire a coach ever then I don't know what can top it.  Saban just keeps rolling along... 45 - 3 Tide.

#3 Sooners @ Rock Chalk Jayhawk - Kansas gave up 70... 70!!  to the Fightin' T. Boones.  Meanwhile, the Sooners made some Rocky Mtn Oysters out of Bevo's testicles last week.  How does Texas continually get top 5 recruiting classes and yet still struggle?  They may be one of the most underachieving programs.  They are nowhere near Notre Dame territory, but still.  At least we are closer to bball season in Lawrence... 56 - 7 Sooners.

Hoosiers @ #4 Badgers - Is it possible for one team to dominate so thoroughly that the dominance is felt days before the game starts? It's only Tuesday, and yet, this game is already a blowout.  The Badgers could probably start their second team and still win this... maybe the Badger crowd can get jiggy with it instead of jumping around? ... I'm calling this one... Badgers allot - Hoosiers nothing. 

#5 Boise @ Colorado State - Boise plays another patsy.  Yawn.  Boise 45 - 17.  

#6 Fightin' T. Boones @ #22 Longhorns - Will the 'Horns get their balls back this week?  Okie State is always thisclose to breaking through to the BCS but always F's something up, like a game like this.  Horns 34 - Cowboys 31.

#7 Stanford @ Wazzu - Wazzu is playing better this year, which is like saying the guy that was 350lbs really looks good at 325lbs.  Meanwhile, Andrew Luck continues his Heisman Campaign.  And the Colts continue to tank their season to get him.  Cardinal 49 - 21.

#8 Clemson @ Terrapins - The 'Pins (ya, I'm starting that right now, 'Pins) unveil yet another ugly uniform this week, or are they just wearing the same uniforms every week and they just somehow keep getting uglier?  Either way, it's about time Clemson to shit the bed.  Week 7 and they haven't lost a game they were favored in!?  WTF Clemson?  You're making me look like I don't know you underachieve every year.  I know, as soon as I buy in to the Tigers, they'll lose, so here it is!!  Tigers 45 - 'Pins 7!!  C'mon Tigers, don't let me down, you know you wanna blow this one! 

#18 Sun Devils @ #9 Ducks - and BOOM goes the dynamite!  The Ducks go off on the Devils.... 55 - 27!

#11 Michigan @ #23 Sparty - Dantonio is getting a contract extension making him a Spartan for life!  And somehow, that was reported as a good thing.  Ugh, if you were Dantonio, would you not tank the season so you get fired?  Or, win out and hope another team comes calling?  Either way, can you imagine being stuck in East Lansing for the rest of your life?  Dear Overlord Zenu, what did I do to deserve such a harsh punishment?  On the flip side, Michigan AND the Lions are undefeated!!!  When was the last time that happened this late in a season?  Seriously, I'm asking, I don't have the patience to go do that research.  Wolverines 45 - Sparty 35. 

#12 Yellowjackets @ Cavaliers - I now know TWO Virginia fans!  Another attorney at my job went to UVA undergrad.  Strange that I haven't met more UVA alumni given it's proximity to Philly.  Perhaps they are all just waiting and planning for the south to rise again, because let's face it, if the south is going to rise again, there's no way in hell any alum from Florida State, Miami, or 'Bama are going to plan it successfully.  The Jackets will march through the Cavaliers like Sherman through Georgia (still stings doesn't it Southerners!)  Jackets 27 - UVA 20

#15 Gamecocks @ Miss State - Spurrier FINALLY dismissed Stephen Garcia from the team!!!  It only took 12 chances... or more.  I'm not even sure.  This time he apparently couldn't pass a weed & alcohol test.  So... a college kid smoked weed & drank.... and couldn't pass a test... shocking.  This kid would rather party than play QB, and you know what, I respect that.  It takes some ambition to want to party that hard you give up starting at QB in the SEC.  He should've gone to Miami, that kind of partying is not only encouraged, it's fully funded by boosters!  Meanwhile, USC East is also being investigated for their recruitment of Marcus Lattimore.  Allegedly a sum of money was donated to a church of his choosing by associates of the program around the same time he signed his LOI.  Ok, this is where Scientology is really missing out on a cash flow.  They need to start recruiting people into their..."religion".. in all SEC states immediately, and then solicit some "donations" when their "members" sign with SEC schools.  You can literally make millions doing this.  The SEC will pay.  Gamecocks 33 - Miss State 24

Buckeyes @ #16 Fightin' Zooks - Seriously?  The Illini are ranked in the top 20 and the Buckeyes are outside the top 25?  Amazing what a good scandal can do to college football in less than a year. Illinois may be the most under the radar team in the country this year.  Are they any good?  I have no idea b/c like everyone outside of Champagne, I've never watched their games.  I even fast forward through their highlights.  I still say there's some fight in the Buckeyes... 20 - 17  bad guys, er, Buckeyes.

#17 K State @ Tx Tech - Anyone read about Tx Tech fans vandalizing some A&M buses during the game in Lubbock last week?  Apparently the Tech fans are REALLY upset A&M is going to the SEC without them.  I bet it though, you're in Texas, all you have is oil, a border war, Tex Mex, the Cowboys, and college football.  And on the list of college football priorities, Tech is down there somewhere between SMU & Friday Night Lights.  I'd be pissed too.  Somehow, K State is winning football games again.  K State seems to either be one of the worst programs in the country, or a top 25 program.  There is no in between for them.  The Wildcats still can't win on the road though...45 - 39 Tech.

#19 Va Tech @ Wake Forest - The Deacons spanked the Seminoles last week!  Another example of the grass not being any greener on the other side.  What has Jimbo done that Bowden couldn't do?  This is what worries me about PSU.  Everyone thinks our next coach is going to awaken some type of sleeping giant in Happy Valley, but what if it's not JoePa at all, it's just the landscape of college football now?  God help us if we end up another Notre Dame forever chasing the glory days that passed us by long ago.  And oh yeah, Tech tried to blow the game against the Canes last week but couldn't.  Two game winning drives in under 2 minutes in the same game?  Makes me long for a boring 13-3 game with a lights out D.  This week will be better for Tech 34 - 20.

#20 Baylor @ #21 A&M - Anyone know what Robert Griffin I & II are doing?  I feel like if I ever have a son, I'll just add III to his name so he seems important.  Fortunately for RB3 (I'm starting that now too, get on board, RB3!!!), he's got game.  Unfortunately for A&M, they won't stop his game.  41 - 31 Bears.

Florida @ #24 Auburn - Wow how the mighty have fallen.  The Gators outside the top 25 and the Tigers hanging on be a few votes.  The loser of this game is done in the SEC this year.  The winner still has a shot.  This is basically a playoff game between two average teams.  The Gators have not looked good the past few weeks and the Tigers are at home... 27 - 24 Auburn.

Big Ten Action:

Purdue @ Penn State - I'm going to tailgate at this game, then go in the stadium to take a nap for a few hours, then tailgate some more.  I'm not even worried about the crowd waking me up, b/c with PSU's offense, they will be asleep as well.  17 - 6 Penn State.  

Northwestern @ Iowa - Iowa is bad.  Northwestern is ok.  This is going to be a shootout.  Last team with the ball wins.  45 - 42 Northwestern.

Upset of the Week:

Navy @ Rutgers - just b/c I can't stand Rutgers and I can't see Pitt losing to a bad Utah team, although I'm still hoping it happens.  23 - 20 Midshipmen.