Week 9 Predictions

Wow!  What a weekend on the college grid iron!  Like Charlie Weiss at a buffet, I'm not sure where to begin. 

Let's kick off with The Miracle!! 

Tim Tebow brought the Broncos back from 15 down with 5 minutes left and won in OT against the Dolphins!!  I'd like to thank everyone that has joined Tebowology.  The worship of Tebow is growing rapidly and I didn't even have to find gold plates in the woods, make up a story about alien spaceships and volcanoes, or enlist celebrity endorsements to make it legit.  I look forward wide spread acceptance within 10 years and tax exempt status by April. 

Ok, now the REAL Miracle.... Sparty!!  How very un-Sparty like!!  Has a game ever ended on a instant replay hail mary?  Ever?  Has there ever been a hail mary that was soclose, even on instant replay it was a close call?  How pissed must Brett Biliema be?  His timeout is what allowed Sparty the chance to throw the hail mary.  So much for Russell Wilson's Heisman campaign.  The Big Ten is still wide open.  It will be an interesting November.

I'd like to point out that JoePa spearheaded the drive to get instant reply in the Big Ten.  (He got sick of getting screwed at Michigan).  I would also like to point out this is the last thing JoePa has spearheaded.  At halftime of the Northwestern game, JoePa met with Pat Fitzgerald's kids.  I'm not kidding.  While the team was trying to figure out how to stop Dan Persa, JoePa was busy entertaining the opposing coaches 3 sons.  You can't make this stuff up.  Those that argue that JoePa is nothing but a figurehead at PSU are insulting figureheads. They are also talking about an extension for the 84 year old Paterno.  Apparently JoePa is harder to overthrow than a middle east dictator. End rant here.

Meanwhile, in Norman, the Sooners forgot they had a game.  The Red Raiders led start to finish.  If not for a missed FG by the Sooners in the 4th quarter, this game would have went to OT.  Even then, the Sooners didn't deserve it.  They were outplayed all game. Unbelievably, Tommy Tuberville is now 5-5 against top 5 teams in his career.  How did Tech pull this one off?  By throwing the ball all over the campus before the Sooners knew what hit them. Thanks to the Sooners epic meltdown, ESPN already has a chubby over the LSU v. 'Bama matchup.  By the way, that game is 2 weeks away, there is an entire weekend of games to be played before this, yet it's STILL the lead story on ESPN.  The SEC & ESPN are in a more torrid love affair than Ashton & whatever 22 year old from San Diego he's hooking up with this week.  

The best stories of the week though are in the Pacific Northwest.  In Eugene, Cliff Harris got pulled over AGAIN.  This is the kid that got clocked doing over 100mph this summer with Oregon's starting QB in the passenger seat.  This time he didn't have his seat belt on, was allegedly driving on a suspended license and without insurance.  He's suspended indefinitely from the Ducks, but he may want to talk to Phil Knight about hiring a full time driver as well. 

If you ever wondered what would happen if you used a stun gun on a grizzly, here is your answer, sort of.  Stun guns used on Montana players

The Conference Carousel is still in full swing.... Mizzou is still unsure of what to do, and West Virginia is now awaiting an invite to the Big XII.  In the meantime, the Big East is like the guy trying to score at the bar at 1:45 AM.  They will literally take anyone as long as they can get someone to agree before the lights go on.  

On to the predictions...

Top 25 Action:

#1 LSU v. #2 'Bama - OMG!!!  SEC RULES!!!  WOO HOO!!  #1 v. #2!!!!!  Can we all just agree that even though this game is two weeks away, this is still the game of THIS week.  I believe ESPN Game Day will be in Tuscaloosa this weekend just to build the hype.  According to ESPN, the loser of this game has the inside track to the BCS Championship game over every other school not in the SEC. 

Baylor @ #3 T. Boone U - Could Okie State be the team to beat in the Big XII this year?  They rolled over Mizzou, and now have the inside track to win the Big XII.  Bedlam is going to be insane!  (but let's not get carried away, this is not the SEC.)  Sadly, RGIII's Hesiman campaign has ended.  He's still dynamic, and the Bears would probably not win more than 3 games without him, but the Bears were more like cubs giving up 55 to the Aggies last week.  Could the Cowboys score 70 this week?  It's possible.  Cowboys 60 - Bears 35. 

#4 Boise - the Broncos are on a bye this... they are also on a bye next week when they face UNLV.  Tune in Nov 12th when the Broncos lose to the Horned Frogs and the BCS breathes a sigh of relief not having to include those pesky non auto qualifiers this year.

#5 Clemson @ Ga Tech - The Tigers keep on proving me wrong.  They are bating me though, waiting for me to get on their band wagon before they blow it.  Well I'm not falling for it. The Jackets running, ball control offense can keep the dynamic Clemson offense on the sideline and Ga Tech pulls this one out....  34 - 30.

  #6 Stanford @ USC - the Trojans whooped up on the Irish in South Bend last week.  In fact, Matt Barkley went so far as to say the Irish quit on the game in the 4th!  As you know, I'm no fan of the Trojans, but that is awesome.  And you know what, he's right.  Why would you not use your TO's to try to get the ball back?  Anyone think Kelly might crack in the pressure cooker that is the Golden Domers?  It's not quite as easy as it was in Cincy, Central Michigan or Grand Valley State is it Mr. Kelly?  Andrew "Heisman" Luck and the Cardinal dropped 65 on the Huskies last week!  The Cardinal are for real.  Stanford 45 - Trojans 28.

Wazzu @ #7 Ducks - The Cougs just aren't very good.  The Ducks are.  55 - 10

#9 Sooners @ #8 K State - The Sooners will indeed realize they  have a game this week.  K State keeps on rolling.  They may be the worst undefeated team left in the country.  With 4 ranked teams in a row coming up, 7-0 may turn into 7-4 really fast.  It starts this week.  40 - 28 Sooners.

#10 Razorbacks @ Vandy - SEC!!  Vandy has been playing tough this year, but just doesn't have the horses to compete.  It's tough being the nerdy kids in a football conference.  Razorbacks 31 - Commodores 13.

#11 Sparty @ #14 Huskers - Hail Sparty Mary!  Will the high of a last second win carry over to Lincoln this week?  Will the Huskers get a contact high?  The Huskers got crushed by Wisky, Sparty beat the Badgers... and as we all know... the transitive property does NOT carry over in college football... 27-24 Huskers on a last second FG!!

#12 Hokies @ Duke - Snoozefest... this wouldn't even be a good game on the hardwood.  29 - 3 Hokies.

#13 Gamecocks @ Volunteers - one of the best RB's in the nation is done for the year.  Marcus Lattimore is out for the year with a knee injury.  In the past two weeks the Gamecocks have kicked their starting QB off the team, and lost their starting RB to injury.  That leaves... I have no idea what else the Gamecocks have.  Adios Ole Ball Coach.  Volunteers 21 - USCe 17.

#15 Badgers @ OSU - The Buckeyes are redefining the term one dimensional offense.  They are currently ranked 115th in passing yards per game, and 42nd in rushing.  They are making Penn State's offense look, I don't know, like it did in 1994?  The Badgers... oh Brett... how many "time out" taunts do you expect to hear in Columbus this week?  Will the Buckeyes complete more than 1 pass this week?  This game is going to be ugly, as in the Buckeyes D is going to shut down the Badgers... and this one won't come down to instant replay.  21 - 17 Buckeyes.

Mizzou @ #16 Texas A&M - Will the Tigers be the 3rd "Tigers" in the SEC next year?  At this point, not even Tebow knows what will happen with conference realignment. Did you know Rick Perry is an Aggie?  He also used to be a Democrat.  The Aggies also used to have a good football program.  My how times changes.  The Aggies are playing some decent ball as of late though.  That continues this week.  33-24 Aggies.

Rice @ #17 Houston - The Cougars are desperately trying to sneak into the BCS.  Case Keenum is throwing bombs and setting records.  Rice is.... a university named after a popular side dish?  Cougars 56 - Owls 10.

Purdue @ #18 Michigan - Speaking of Rice, the Boilers somehow lost to Rice this season.  Ouch.  All is not right in the state of Michigan this year.  Fortunately, since neither OSU nor Michigan appear to be the top team in the Big Ten this year, it's considered a down year. Therefore whatever Sparty accomplishes will be discounted.  Purdue is plucky.  They will play the Wolverines tough, but unless it's raining like a hurricane and Denard can't throw, the Wolverines will have no problem with this one.  What's that?  It's supposed to rain this Saturday?  Uh oh.  Michigan 24 - Boilers 17.

Fightin' Zooks @ #19 Nittany Lions - Word is JoePa will be handing out Halloween candy to kids in costume at half time.  I wonder if Zook has any kids that would like to meet a college football hall of fame coach during HALFTIME... OF A GAME.... IN WHICH HE IS SUPPOSEDLY COACHING!?  Seriously.   I can't even get mad anymore, it's ridiculous.  So it turns out the Illini are not that good.  I still fast forward through their highlights though.  24 - 21 Penn State - and Tom Bradley should get this win on his resume. 

Iowa State @ #20 Tx Tech - The Red Raiders pulled off a huge upset last week, and they will assuredly have a let down this week.  Fortunately the Cyclones are in Lubbock, which means the Red Raiders would have to have a Fukijima type melt down to lose this one.  36 - 24 Tech.

Tebow's Minor League Team @ #21 Sun Devils - The Buffs are bad.  But once The Tebow Effect happens, UC will be good again.  I'm looking forward to starting the first chapter of Tebowology on the UC campus soon.  The Sun Devils, are they any good?  They play on the west coast, so only west coasters seem to know.  They are certainly not as bad as the Buffs.  37 - 10 Sun Devils.

Florida @ #22 Bulldogs - the Dawgs are back in the rankings!  The Gators are not. If Tebow returns to Gainesville after leading the Broncos to multiple Super Bowl wins, will he turn water to wine at the frat parties?  The Gators are starting a true freshman at QB... remember what happened last time they did that!?  TEBOW!!! (yes, he split snaps with Chris Leak, I know.)  Not so much this time.  The Dawgs still aren't getting out of the swamp with a win.  33 - 28 Gators.

Ole Miss @ #23 Auburn - The Tigers got absolutely demolished by the Tigers last week in Baton Rouge.  Thankfully the Rebels are just what the doctor ordered for an easy win to get back on track.  Tigers 30 - Houston Nutt 10.

Jayhawks @ #24 Longhorns - apparently the LHN & ESPN made a billion dollar deal to the point where the powers that be at ESPN will not criticize Texas or their Network.  In other words, ESPN has a hug financial stake in a team they are supposedly reporting on impartially.  Right.  Just like ESPN doesn't favor the SEC while the Big Ten has a network that competes with them?  I look forward to years of ESPN hyping Texas & the SEC. And why would any school stay in the Big XII if they are not getting a cut of this deal from Texas?  Do Texas fans consider Colt McCoy to be their mini-Tebow?  Only a few more weeks until basketball season in Lawrence!!  'Horns 33 - Jayhawks 3.

#25 Couch Burning U @ Rutgers - WVU thought they were going to the Big XII this week.  The couches were already doused with lighter fluid, but now the matches can't be lit until Mizzou decides what to do.  Rutgers.... HA!  Mountaineers 42 - Scarlet Knights 20.

Big Ten Action:

Northwestern @ Indiana - Dan Persa is going to play this week with turf toe.  Persa was shredding PSU's D last week, and the Hoosiers D is nowhere close to PSU's.  Anyone see Seth Myers on the Northwestern sideline last week?  No?  Anyone see Seth Myers on SNL this season?  No? Anyone see Seth Myers at Kattan's bachelor party?  (yes!) Wildcats 45 - Hoosiers 17. 

Iowa @ Minnesota - The Golden Gophers extended Jerry Kill's contract this week.  Which is a nice way of saying... "We know you're starting at absolute rock bottom and there is not possible way we can get worse, so anything you can do would be greatly appreciated."  Iowa isn't very good this year either, but they aren't the Gophers.  30 - 12 Hawkeyes.

Upset of the Week:

Navy @ Notre Dame - The Midshipmen will run, run, run.. and then run some more.  Even in their option based run offense, they still have a more lethal passing game than Ohio State.  The Irish are reeling. Their starting QB got hurt last week.  Is it possible that Brian Kelly will turn so red this week, his head just pops?  Can we start calling him Coach Tomato Head?   The Midshipmen get another win in South Bend.  26 - 23.

I forgot to mention, Mark May is horrible, and the McRib is back baby!!!!!